My sheets look like a crime scene.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
