Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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