Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
