there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
