omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
