guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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