she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
