it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
