I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
