please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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