I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
