Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
