Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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