Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
