We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
