I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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