alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
