She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So many bounce houses so little time
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
