i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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