ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
