dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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