I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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