i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
