I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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