The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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