he thought i was a dude.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
