My nipple is on Facebook.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
