just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
