What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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