I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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