I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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