its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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