I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
