i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
