her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
