the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
