You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize