My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
