I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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