I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
