i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
