you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
