Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
