I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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