I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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