legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
