just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
