oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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