Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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