yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
