saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
No more Irish car bombs ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
