There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
