Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
