did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
